A sad song, mournful dance, provoking artwork, or a thoughtfully sad movie
...these kinds of things...pull at my heart strings. And I allow it. It may hurt a bit, it's true, and I feel tender. But I also feel unstuck. I feel a little raw. And I feel the chance to be real. The space where my heart resides aches. And I feel the chance to grow. Sometimes the tears gather up strength and cover my eyes,welling, on the edge just waiting for permission to sneak out of their hiding places with the next blink. And when they do, their saltiness tells me I've allowed myself to feel, I've allowed a place of vulnerability and sadness to be with me, without trying to hide it, or fight it, or fix it. So different from what happens on a "normal" day in Anywhere, USA. We are taught early not to show or express our emotions.....as if they were a flaw, a weakness, even a sign of unstableness. Some of us were told that tears showed a lack of character when we expressed emotions. When I see tears I know that there is plenty of character, plenty of dignity, plenty of bravery, as one bears their soul and the little heart on their sleeve trembles in fear of being ripped off and broken.
Today I know that the reason I like to hear a song sad is because something in it rings true for me, dare I say all of us? Tenderness and heartache resonate deep within my being. When I've felt myself or others being tender with another's emotions or in the way they care for someone, or I witness another's expression of heartache, I witness purity of spirit. All the false strength, all the armoured costumey protection is softened and empathy, compassion, love, and awareness glimmer at me, telling me, yes, it's okay to walk towards this light.
A sad song gives your heart permission to break a little, without falling completely apart. That is the way we become open...in our little bits of breaking...I can't think of a better way to allow growth, then to let what needs to come out do so and to let your heart be broken open so that there is more light, more room for more love and so on.
After all growth spurts can cause some pain, but they bring us to a newer version of ourselves. Dare I call it elevated? No pun intended. Seriously, no pun intented...I haven't physically had an upward growth spurt since the 7th grade-lol
So, try a little music or art therapy...give yourself permission to feel what is within. You may find you want to lose yourself,you may even feel a little lost and certainly be aware of your own personal losses, but I promise you'll come back to your reality a little more unstuck and perhaps a bit more like the self you were always meant to be.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Today's Challenge: Enjoy swimming in the gray...
According to my calendar, today's color is Gray.
I like gray. I like gray A LOT. I try to live my life in the gray areas despite me being a Taurus who resists things like change when I am not careful.
Gray speaks to me of mystery, of possibility, and of inclusiveness.
Before I say more about the wonderful qualities of gray I should say that I am one who does like clarity especially regarding communication with all of my relations. That is why email and texts should not be used for emotionally charged or other important stuff. People get hurt by reading things "wrong", reading between lines that aren't there, and so on. I remember one time sending out a group email and using all caps. It amused me. Little did I know that ALL-CAPS meant that I was angry or shouting, but a friend "scolded" me later about correct font all-caps protocol. Geeze, I missed the class. But ever since then I've tried to be more careful with my cap size, lol, as well as what I choose to bold, underline, etc! I must say sometimes it's hard to make sure that I am not offending anyone, stepping on anyone's toes, or otherwise pissing someone off while also remaining true to myself & self-expression. But, this blog thing, I think, will work well for me. Only me, myself and I will probably go back and read any of this. If others join me in my ramblings it is because they choose to. So blogging allows me to ALL-CAP if I want to...just because I can and for not a single other reason. Here I will embrace my Naturally Occurring Random Thoughts, Brainstorming, Free Writing and Poetic License. Oh, and I can swim in the gray area without fear of sharks. I will not worry about correct protocol here...here comes the bold, the caps, the run-on sentences and everything else!
Also, I must duly note that as I glorify the gray there are times when black and white matter: appointments, meetings, performances, etc. When it comes to respecting others' time I think that this is vital.
Anyway, back to gray. We don't want foggy mirrors or windows all the time, for sure. But have you ever noticed just how beautiful a low-lying fog on a misty morning is? Perhaps it's the mystery of it all that appeals to me. I am reminded that I do not have to know or see everything. It is impossible to do so anyway. There is a part of me that likes to be in control...I know, I know, this too is connected to ego and fear...see yesterday's blog! I am still learning, remember?
When I give in to my "natural" self and allow my "naturally budding spiritual self" to come alive, the fog, the gray, the unanswered questions dance around me, invigorating me: This is life-full of unknowing. Full of wonder. Full of grace.
The gray allows me to connect to others outside of my societal or other named "range"-the differences become something to celebrate, not try to clean up. It becomes more of a universal-range...a place where everyone belongs. Sparkly eyes and warm smiles speak the same language. We miss a lot of joy and understanding and wisdom when we stay enclosed in a small white, "clean" box with black lines. I want three walls and one open, please. In fact, no box, at all...but that's another blog.
Yes, I am invigorated when I play in the gray of endless possibilites and changing answers. Invigorated yet serene in the knowledge that gray connects me to both what and who I know and to what and who I don't yet know or understand... and this is a place where I truly belong.
Namaste
I like gray. I like gray A LOT. I try to live my life in the gray areas despite me being a Taurus who resists things like change when I am not careful.
Gray speaks to me of mystery, of possibility, and of inclusiveness.
Before I say more about the wonderful qualities of gray I should say that I am one who does like clarity especially regarding communication with all of my relations. That is why email and texts should not be used for emotionally charged or other important stuff. People get hurt by reading things "wrong", reading between lines that aren't there, and so on. I remember one time sending out a group email and using all caps. It amused me. Little did I know that ALL-CAPS meant that I was angry or shouting, but a friend "scolded" me later about correct font all-caps protocol. Geeze, I missed the class. But ever since then I've tried to be more careful with my cap size, lol, as well as what I choose to bold, underline, etc! I must say sometimes it's hard to make sure that I am not offending anyone, stepping on anyone's toes, or otherwise pissing someone off while also remaining true to myself & self-expression. But, this blog thing, I think, will work well for me. Only me, myself and I will probably go back and read any of this. If others join me in my ramblings it is because they choose to. So blogging allows me to ALL-CAP if I want to...just because I can and for not a single other reason. Here I will embrace my Naturally Occurring Random Thoughts, Brainstorming, Free Writing and Poetic License. Oh, and I can swim in the gray area without fear of sharks. I will not worry about correct protocol here...here comes the bold, the caps, the run-on sentences and everything else!
Also, I must duly note that as I glorify the gray there are times when black and white matter: appointments, meetings, performances, etc. When it comes to respecting others' time I think that this is vital.
Anyway, back to gray. We don't want foggy mirrors or windows all the time, for sure. But have you ever noticed just how beautiful a low-lying fog on a misty morning is? Perhaps it's the mystery of it all that appeals to me. I am reminded that I do not have to know or see everything. It is impossible to do so anyway. There is a part of me that likes to be in control...I know, I know, this too is connected to ego and fear...see yesterday's blog! I am still learning, remember?
When I give in to my "natural" self and allow my "naturally budding spiritual self" to come alive, the fog, the gray, the unanswered questions dance around me, invigorating me: This is life-full of unknowing. Full of wonder. Full of grace.
The gray allows me to connect to others outside of my societal or other named "range"-the differences become something to celebrate, not try to clean up. It becomes more of a universal-range...a place where everyone belongs. Sparkly eyes and warm smiles speak the same language. We miss a lot of joy and understanding and wisdom when we stay enclosed in a small white, "clean" box with black lines. I want three walls and one open, please. In fact, no box, at all...but that's another blog.
Yes, I am invigorated when I play in the gray of endless possibilites and changing answers. Invigorated yet serene in the knowledge that gray connects me to both what and who I know and to what and who I don't yet know or understand... and this is a place where I truly belong.
Namaste
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